Hey!
I don't know what kind of crazy crap goes on out in Vegas, but from what I hear, you're supposed to *leave it in Vegas*!! Stay outta my skirt, there, Miss Tricia...
OK, OK...I'll post first...then ya'll can all show me up by posting wonderful & fabulous stories that beat mine all to hell and back.
AD1
Plan “B”
I’ve always been a fan of the underdog. You know,
BEFRIEND the outcast, champion the lonely…that sort of thing. It’s not a matter of being noble or self-sacrificing, God knows, that’s not me! No, it’s more akin to how you feel when you see a really large dog, penned
BEHIND a very small fence. He looks at you with those big brown puppy-dog eyes and you just can’t help but feel sorry for him. Never mind the fact that the
reality of the situation is that the dog is mourning his inability to jump the fence and tear your throat out with his teeth.
Anyway, my love for the underdog is what led to my friendship with Joe.
Joe joined our group at Zybin, Inc. about four months ago. Due to budget cuts throughout the company, he made a linear move from the Sales Department to the group I’m in, Account Management. He was not particularly thrilled with the move; a fact which he made crystal-clear from his first hour in the office.
We were having our monthly staff meeting when our manager, Kyle, introduced Joe to the team. Joe did not make an overwhelmingly positive first impression on any of us with his shaggy black hair, over-sized, bottle-thick eyeglasses that gave his muddy brown eyes a decidedly owlish appearance, and his non-existent fashion sense. Really, his cheap blue suit, baggy blue button-down shirt, canary-yellow tie, and scuffed brown loafers reminded me of that old British series, “Mr. Kerfuffle” ~~ you know, the one with the mild mannered and clumsy loser-by-day who was transformed into a vengeance-driven, murderous clown-by-night…<br>
For the first two weeks that Joe worked with us, I honestly don’t recall him saying anything to anyone in the office, outside of required communication regarding our accounts, and even that he accomplished mostly via email.
Then, one day, I kind of cornered him in the break room where he was eating his usual lunch of ham and cheese on wheat, a few plain potato chips, and a diet soda. I sat down at his table and proceeded to talk his head off until I finally hit on something he and I had in common, which turned out to be our respective collections of electric trains. Since then we’ve been nearly inseparable.
Which brings us to the problem.
Over the last two weeks, Joe has undergone a major transformation. It started after a conversation we had about what our “ideal mate” would look like, which ended with Joe’s sad observation that he would “never be noticed by the woman of his dreams.”<br>
“Aw, Joe,” I replied, “that’s not true at all. You’re a great guy, man; don’t
SWEAT it! She’ll come along for you, one day, and your life will never be the same again.”<br>
Joe’s appreciation of the friendly remark shone in his eyes, and I never even heard his quiet comment as I walked away, “I think she’s already here.”<br>
Since then, Joe has had his hair cut in the Caesar-style that I find so attractive on men with black hair, revamped his wardrobe; he was fitted for blue-tinted contact lenses, and yesterday he had his
YELLOWing teeth cleaned and whitened at the dentist’s office. Our co-workers were impressed by the “new and improved” Joe, and questioned him incessantly about his motivation for his fabulous appearance. Joe, however, would answer no questions on the subject at all. Even when I asked, all he would say was, “You’ll see, soon enough.”<br>
Last night, as we walked to our cars in the parking garage, Joe looked at me seriously and said, “Julie, do you have any plans tomorrow night?” When I shook my head in the negative, he continued, “Would you mind coming by my apartment around 7:00 tomorrow evening, then? I need your advice on something.”<br>
“OK, Joe, I can do that. Do I at least get a hint about what’s up with you?” I answered easily.
“Nope,” he said with a grin. “Just come on by around 7:00, OK?” And with that, he got into his car and took off.
At this point, I really thought I’d figured out what the mystery was about. “Joe’s got his eye on somebody,” I though happily, “and he’s wanting my advice on how to proceed.” Excited for my friend, I went home and didn’t give it another thought.
Imagine my surprise, then, when Joe let me into his apartment earlier this evening and I found a romantic table set for two, candles lit and flickering prettily all around the room, and soft
MUSIC playing on the stereo.
“Joe,” I exclaimed, “what is all of this?”<br>
“This is for you, Julie,” Joe replied, his bright blue eyes sparkling in the candlelight. “I have something to tell you, and I wanted to make it a special night for both of us.” He led me to the table and held my chair for me as I sat.
My stomach was churning because I finally understood all of it, and I knew that I was going to have to hurt my friend’s feelings. Hating to have to say it, I spoke gently, “Joe, sweetie…I’m speechless. I had no idea you felt this way about me. I’m so flattered, Joe, really, but I don’t think that what you feel for me is anything more than a
CRUSH; you aren’t in love with me, and I’m sorry, Joe…but I am not in love with you, either.”<br>
Confused, Joe looked at me and, as his hands nervously rearranged his steak
KNIFE and the fork, he said, “Julie, don’t say that! This is NOT a crush; I am completely and utterly in love with you! I know that you love me, too…you just wanted me to look like someone who would be worthy of being with someone like you. Why do you think I did all of this, anyway?” He spoke quickly, desperately, even, as he stared intensely across the table at me. I couldn’t even meet his gaze under the guilt I felt as he proclaimed, “Julie, think about it, baby. We were made for each other! We belong
TOGETHER!”<br>
I shook my head sadly and tried to explain to him that while I do care very much about him, and I am very glad that he decided to take the steps he did to make himself more physically attractive, I just can’t love him…not like that. “Please understand, Joe,” I thought, aching for him.
Joe sighed, resigned, before going to the antique hope chest behind the sofa in his living room and removing from within it a length of heavy rope, a pair of handcuffs, and a black silk gag. He looked at me with regret in his eyes and said, “Well…there’s always Plan B…”